The Diaries of Adventure Guy

August 28, 2009

Gunung Rinjani, Gunung Rinjani National Park, Lombok, Dutch East Indies (Indonesia)

Dear Diary

It had been a pleasant stay on the beaches of Sengiggi and Gili Tranwangan. Wapu and I had taken a few deserved days off and decided that a spot of Boogie Boarding would do the trick. It was with Boogie Board in tow and some higher altitude equipment that we headed into the mountains.

It has taken a couple of  days to climb the slopes of Gunung Rinjani. Gunung means mountain in Indonesia, but no-one told me how high this mountain would be, nor how spectacular it is once you make it to its rim. All day, you are looking up into forest or grassland and then as you reach the rim your horizon explodes from left to right into an enormous caldera, home to a fresh water lake and Dante'esk Gunung Baru, bubbling with activity.

Because this mountain had been erupting for some months, the powers that be at the National Park office had closed the inner caldera and the summit. Pishtosh I say. We had tried bribing the designated officials but for the first time in my extensive career, they were not interested. How dare they not be interested in some graft and corruption.

Last night, Wapu and I (really I, as Wapu is a few sandwiches short of a picnic as those Neanderthal Australians would say), formulated a plan. After Wapu erected my tent, cooked dinner and tidied up, we would both retire to our quarters, waiting for the other Porters to doze off. Forthwith, we would dexterously make our way to the summit ridge line, undercover of the full moon. From there, we would dash to the summit and be back in our tents before anyone else noticed we were gone.

Plans of mice and men. Our plan was working smashingly. We had fooled the Porters that we were asleep before we thievishly made our way to the ridge and then the summit. It was here our plans went haywire.

Gunung Baru began to clear its throat about half way up the slope. By the time we reached the summit, she was blowing her top like some wild bull preparing to charge a matador. The earth began to shake, and Wapu and I were separated. At the time, I thought Wapu was cowering in fear (a common reaction by natives). I lost my footing and found myself tumbling towards the open and lavashish Gunung Baru. I could feel the heat from the spewing magma on my manly skin. The hairs on my chest began to ignite. Was this it for Adventure Guy I thought.

Just as my body was heaved into the air by an earth tremor towards the open caldera, sacrificed like some island virgin to the mountain gods, Wapu grabbed me. I suddenly realised we were surfing the slope of Gunung Baru toward the lake on one of our Spiderman Boogie Boards. What the hell was Wapu doing with a Boogie Board on the summit of a mountain?. As we were hurtling down the slope I asked Wapu this question. He just returned a nonsensical smile as usual.

But the board was travelling too slowly. The lava river was closing in on us, so I did what any true gentleman would do in this situation. I pushed Wapu off. It did just the trick. I made it to the lake safely and paddled to the opposite shore.

I waited a minute or two for Wapu, but he was nowhere to be seen. I then called in the rescue chopper. Within 45 minutes, the helicopter was transporting me to safety. As we lifted off, I could see Wapu drag himself onto the shore. He had a few frightful burns but I am sure he would be fine. I have not seen him for a day or two now. I must visit the local hospital or God forbid, the morgue.

UTAG

Want to know more about Gunung Rinjani and the area Adventure Guy and Wapu were travelling through?

May 3, 2009

Sekonyer River, Tanjung Putting National Park, Borneo, Dutch East Indies (Indonesia)

Dear Diary

It has taken us several days to reach the dark jungles of Borneo. Our klotok captain, has masterfully navigated the Sekonyer River to bring us to the habitat of the Man of the Jungle - the Orang-utan.

The jungle in these parts is dense with a plethora of flora and fauna. Proboscis Nosed Monkeys and Gibbons taunt us from the shore and our equally moronic travel companions taunt us from on board. I am sure that the collective intellect of our boat (excluding myself, Wapu and the native crew) would not exceed that of a small troupe of Grey Macaques. I am not sure how long I can handle their company, before I unleash the power of Des and Troy on them.

I digress.  The incident I am about to recall occurred well into our journey, past Camp Leakey. There was commotion among the native crew, and word soon got around that the dominant male Orang-utan had been sighted nearby. The excitement was familiar to me, having experienced it many times from the fairer sex upon my arrival at social gatherings back home. I guess people can sense authority, testosterone and sheer sexual power. I and the dominant male Orang-utan, you could say, were kindred beings, though I assure you, he would feel my authority when we met.

I alighted from the klotok at a small jetty. Accompanied by a local Ranger and Wapu, we briskly trekked into to the dank, thick jungle towards the beast. I must say, my heart rate was up, though it wasn't due to our activity but rather the Eu de Cologne I had bathed myself in that morning. The pungent scent of Durian fruit was quite nauseous on board and my only respite was to dowse myself with what the French call Aventure. The ingredients were such that they would make anyone nearby, including the wearer, aroused.

We drew closer to where the male Orang-utan had been spotted. And there he was. An enormous beast, with long bright orange hair, hands 3 times the size of a normal mans and a head to match with giant black glands protruding from his forehead and face. He sat there on the ground with an air of confidence, knowing he was the King.

He raised his head toward us, poking the humid air with his nostrils. He had smelt something, something that seemed to rouse him from his comfortable jungle mat. He looked in our direction, nose still protruding through the growth and then he began to swagger towards us. At first slowly, but with a gradual acceleration. It must have been the Aventure.

Wapu began to hug me with all his might. At first I thought the fool was panicking, but all he was trying to do was get me to run. I would have none of that. I was determined to stand my ground and show the beast who was really in charge in the jungle. The beast came closer and closer, gaining speed with each step. I stood their, my chest out, knowing that it was the beasts bluff. And as the enormous aroused Orang-utan launched himself towards me, Wapu launched himself at the beast from the side, carrying them both into the scrub. An almighty rumble pursued and to my amazement, the Orang-utan forwarded his advances now to Wapu. The Aventure must have rubbed onto him when he was hugging me minutes earlier.

I shall not describe what happened next except to mention that Wapu did not return to the klotok for some hours and he was last seen looking aimlessly into the distant, smoking a clove cigarette.

UTAG

Want to know more about the Orangutan Expedition Adventure Guy was on?

May 16, 2009

Nusa Pimpe, Komodo Islands, Flores, Dutch East Indies (Indonesia)

Dear Diary

I have been travelling with a bunch of buffoons for several days now. Their convict Australian accents are grating on my sensibilities and their get out and live life attitude is both pass and annoying.

The seas were rough today. Wapu (My trusty man servant) did his best to keep our kayak steady while I drank G and T. I watched him struggle against the wind and thought momentarily whether I should help. Finally we reached the small harbour on Rinca island where we alighted from our craft and headed inland towards the lair of the infamous Komodo Dragon.

It was here where I got myself into a spot of bother. I had been warned by my annoying Australian travel companions (a word I use rather loosely), that eating meat jerky would attract the aggressive carnivores. "Rubbish", I thought. Surely the Komodo Dragons couldn't smell the delicious dried deer meat Wapu had prepared for me on Kanawa.

Apparently they did. This is how events unravelled.

We had collected our Local Guide who would escort us across the island. For protection he would carry a long stick which split into 2 small prongs at the end. This apparently is all Dragons need to be deterred. I wasn't so sure, as we walked past a small display of Buffalo, Deer and Monkey skulls that Dragons had hunted and killed. Then again these beasts couldn't hold a stick with 2 prongs on the end of it.

After walking along a dry river bed we came to a small watering hole filled with giant Dinosaurs that just seemed to lounge around like my colleagues back at the Tennis Club on a balmy summers afternoon. Feeling quite peckish from the long journey to the island, I whipped out several sticks of deer jerky. Within seconds, the lumbering mass of prehistory began to writhe in an orgy of excitement. Everyone seemed perplexed as to what was occurring. Suddenly, the Dragons launched themselves at us and our group scattered like a troop of monkeys. But their only intent was me.

I turned and ran up the nearest hill thinking my superior athleticism would master them. Alas, this was not to be. With, jerky in each hand and a piece in my mouth, I scurried through the dry grasslands of Rinca, collecting more and more Dragons as I ran. Wapu, seeing what was happening, confiscated the jerky from me and ran in the opposite direction. By George it seemed to work. The Dragons followed Wapu's fleet feet for several kilometres. I could hear the occasional scream from Wapu and then silence.

I assured the group Wapu would be fine and we retreated back to the harbour. Wapu appeared several hours later, a little worse for wear (his clothes were torn from his back and he had several large gashes to the legs) but he still presented me with the uneaten portions of the jerky. As a reward I shared half my jerky with him and paddled in tandem with him back to our island camp.

Until tomorrow.

Want to know more about the Komodo Expedition Adventure Guy was on?